PROMPT: My future career plans, why I want and need to study in the US at the graduate level, and how I hope to contribute to my country’s democratic and economic development. My name is Levan, I’m 23 years old. I was born in small city Dusheti, where i started learning. In 2000 I won the olympics in mathematics and I came to the school of physics and mathematics “Comarovi” in tbilisi, which I successfully graduated in 2005.
I have obtained my Bachelor’s Degree from the business administration faculty of the Georgian – American University in Georgia in 2009. and i was the best student of the university. Through the entire 4 years of courses I acquired comprehensive knowledge in a wide range of subjects like Corporate Finance, Derivative Markets, Valuation of Financial Assets, Fixed Income Securities, Strategic Managment, and others. I was taught by many experienced teachers who were glad to share their theoretical and practical knowledge in relative fields.
By some of them I was inspired to broaden out my theoretical knowledge implementing it into practice and offered to get involved in some projects related to my major. So I started my first activity at Information center of NATO. I was explaining to people what the NATO is, its history, why is our country’s goal to become a member of alliance and etc. It was my first experience to work with team and manage it. In 2008 I began working in the company universalcom. I was director there. I worked in the company since its foundation and became the one of the best in distribution sector. I worked there until 2010 Then I was in the army until June 2011 and after finising it I went to work in USA company JSC “open revolution georgia”.
They brought an innovative mobile financial services in Georgia , and I am working there very . successfully. I have ambitious career goals and plans for my future life and believe this program can help me reach these goals. I want to be best top manager, and To be a leader and professional in my case. I know I can achieve something in my life only after the implementation of my planned goals, in the success of which I believe. In order to take the path to my career, I must improve my skills, enrich my knowledge and obtain experience in the field which I’m going to study.
This program gives me an opportunity and I must use this opportunity to study in the US. A good educational background and ability to use it in beneficial conditions is a significant point in rising along career stairs. Master’s Degree in Business administration from US University will be a great step forward in my self-development and career as well as this country is known all over the World for the best educational system comparing to other universities.
USA’s advanced education system will surely further develop my skills acquired in Georgia and make them professional. My commitment to my education is strong and I know that, if I graduate MBA in USA, I will get exactly the skills and experience which is inevitable to build my future career. Our country wants to see our contributions to making a powerful and developing country. When I get my postgraduate certificate, I will go back to Georgia to work in goverment or private sector towards improving and strengthening the management system, through sharing my experiences with managers, and not only them, by organizing specialized training courses.
Also I can participate the development of business creating sector , management of business and management education level. Business sector’s development within the country means overall progress of my country’s economy and my people’s life. I love Georgia, and I intend to do everything in its economic and democratic development.
ESSAY REVIEW You begin to respond to the prompt directly in the final two paragraphs. The penultimate paragraph, which addresses the question of why you want and need to study in the US is quite vague. The argument that U. S. education is great is rather general (and not true _in general_). If you specified that program you want to enroll in and why, you might have something more concrete and meaningful to say. Your final paragraph deals with what you intend to do on your return to Georgia. This paragraph is a little bit clearer, but not by much.
It would be a good idea to specify what you mean by the “management system,” especially if you mean something, as you apparently do, that is applicable to both government and the private sector. The essay says next to nothing about democratic development, but knowing nothing about the program for which you are applying, I’ve no idea how important that is. I suggest, in any case, expanding the last two paragraphs, with a view to making their claims more specific, and condensing the rest of the essay. Keep your sentences relatively short and simple in order to minimise the number of errors. Best, EJ.