What would we Americans do without lawyers? If we did not have them, we might actually have to take responsibility for our own actions. Fast food restaurants, the people of the state of California, and large corporations are all feeling the effects of the "it's not my fault" mentality. Thankfully, lawyers in America have the courage to stand up against the outdated notion of individuals taking personal responsibility and accountability for their own actions. Any mediocre barrister might be able to successfully defend us against unfounded charges.
However, only an exceptional lawyer can shield us from responsibility and make another party pay us for our mistakes. For example, there is an infamous case involving a woman, the evil McDonalds corporation and a cup of coffee. The woman and her nephew purchased a cup of coffee at the drive through window of a McDonalds. The woman put the cup in her lap and opened it, spilling the hot coffee all over her legs and pelvic area. She was badly burned, requiring hospitalization and skin grafts.
Ordinarily, she would be forced to feel foolish for opening a hot cup of coffee in her lap, and that would be that. Luckily for her she was able to find a good lawyer who was able to prove to a jury that, not only was she not responsible for the accident, it was all McDonald's fault. The jury then awarded the woman a great deal of money. Some cases are so complicated that many good lawyers are required to reach a satisfactory conclusion. This was the case in the people of the state of California versus O. J. Simpson. O. J. 's problems began when his wife, Nicole, had the audacity to end their marriage.
Her decision to divorce him would have been understandable if there were serious problems in their marriage, but the sad truth is that she divorced him over the trivial problem of years of physical and emotional abuse. As you might imagine, her actions caused a great deal of damage to O. J. 's reputation and prestige. So he did what any reasonable man would do. He killed her and her male companion, nearly severing her head from her body. The law generally requires people to spend the rest of their lives in prison for this type of conduct, but O. J.
was rich enough to assemble a veritable S. W. A. T. team of lawyers for his defense. They were able to show the jury that his hand would not fit in a glove worn during the murders. This evidence was supported by O. J. making funny faces as he tried to put on the glove during the proceedings. Of course once this fact was proven, the jury had no choice but to grant O. J. his freedom. As an added bonus, his lawyers were able to rescue his two children from the fanatically evil clutches of Nicole's family. The success of his fantastically skilled lawyers has allowed O. J.
to return to a normal lifestyle of playing golf and teaching his children the finer points of wielding a knife. The only downside of the trial was that since it was a criminal and not a civil case, his lawyers were unable to obtain a cash award for him. In class action cases brave lawyers fight on the frontlines for all Americans to insure that none of us need suffer from personal accountability. Conventional wisdom might make the point that anyone who would willingly have a surgeon cut them open and stuff foreign objects into their body without a medical need is a moron and deserves whatever they get.
Good lawyers, however, are not so close-minded. Attorneys have forced companies to layout millions of dollars, because the breast implants they manufacture have caused injury to their clients. The lawyers have even been generous enough to pass on some of the money to the victims. Tobacco companies have also been forced to give lawyers huge sums of money. They've proven that millions of smokers had no idea that lighting paper tubes stuffed with weeds and inhaling the smoke deeply into their lungs for years on end might cause health problems. Overweight people are presently suing McDonalds and Burger King.
They claim that the food these companies serve is unhealthy and has made them fat. These peoples' lawyers are working day and night to relieve them of any responsibility for overeating and prove that these nefarious corporations are solely to blame. I feel confident they will win huge sums of money for their clients and themselves. The past few years have seen a dangerous decline in the number of doctors willing to practice medicine in America. In fact a quick check of the local yellow pages found 56 pages of listings for attorneys, but there are only 30 pages for physicians.
According to Readers Digest many doctors are leaving the field due to the outrageous cost of malpractice insurance. Obviously, America needs more doctors. I feel confident that wonderful and innovative lawyers will find a way to force the insurance companies to reduce their exorbitant fees. Popular sentiment has it that there are too many lawyers in America today. I hope I have been able to illustrate the foolishness of that notion. Spill hot coffee. Murder your wife. Abuse your body. Find a good lawyer. Lawyers have caused Americans to believe that we need not take personal responsibility for our own actions.